i'm caught in this weird limbo where i can't give as much of myself as i want to because i know can't give all of myself. so if i can't give all of myself, which is what they want, then i had better not give much at all. i dunno. i'm not making sense. my feelings are a mess sometimes but i'm giving myself that, i'm letting myself be less than purely black and white beause i've learnt my lesson now, nothing is ever completely clean, least of all feelings. i'm playing with fire that i usually stay away from, and it's starting to remind me why i usually never get too close, in case i burn myself or others. because i'm not a master at this, i'm not well practiced.. people could get hurt because of my clumsiness.w h a t d o i w a n t ?