23, Sydney AU


the toughest thing for me has always been acting not according to my emotions but against them. the hardest thing for me has always been to do the right, the more difficult thing, rather than take the easy, in-the-long-run wrong path. i couldn't do it two and a half years ago and now it's still a struggle to stay on task.

i'm caught in this weird limbo where i can't give as much of myself as i want to because i know can't give all of myself. so if i can't give all of myself, which is what they want, then i had better not give much at all. i dunno. i'm not making sense. my feelings are a mess sometimes but i'm giving myself that, i'm letting myself be less than purely black and white beause i've learnt my lesson now, nothing is ever completely clean, least of all feelings. i'm playing with fire that i usually stay away from, and it's starting to remind me why i usually never get too close, in case i burn myself or others. because i'm not a master at this, i'm not well practiced.. people could get hurt because of my clumsiness.

w h a t d o i w a n t ?


24.7.16 with 0 comments
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