23, Sydney AU


Wedding Cake Rock On top of the world
Royal National Park, Bundeena on 29 December 2014
I may have sped my way to Kim's house in 12 (or was it 14 minutes flat — a drive that usually takes 20, 25 minutes. Such was Kim's insistence that we be on time that my panic must have translated into the km/h. We drove to Bundeena (blessedly close to Kim's house) and hung out at Wattamolla first where I was way too chicken to do the huge jump off the cliff. Everyone was right, I regret everything.

The real trek came after, and during the agonising walk wading through the sand at an incline I was really not comfortable with, I thought all sorts of melodramatic things in my sunburnt, dazed state. (Imagine my shock when we found out we'd taken the long way) The view, though, was worth it, although my fear of heights (and the very, very real threat of death upon falling off the edge) kept me away from venturing too close to the cliff. Upright, at least. I peeked my head over and that was enough for me.

The walk back was all the sweeter on account of how short it was, how close to home we were; by the time we drove back to Menai to get food, we were all comatose. It was one of the best showers of my life.

Naveed's 21st
9 January 2015
Really good food (BUTTER CHICKEN! NAAN BREAD!!!1!1!!1!one!) and a lovely night with friends. I
wassn't eaten alive by mosquitos, which is a first (granted, I did enthusiastically apply Aeroguard). Naveed was really shy about his presents, which was adorable. xo

Newport Beach, Newport
Rob's 21st, 15 January 2015
In which Viv was right (and also had Terry's McMuffin for breakfast as well as her own), the waves were really intense and really salty with a rip only about 5 metres from shore that was dangerously stronger than it had any right to be (more often than not I had to be carried across the rip. Me! I'm not even half bad at swimming!!), we accidentally stole someone else's cooler bag (with an entire watermelon and other edible goods that we demolished without a second thought before anyone realised it wasn't ours) and being stuck in traffic on the ride home.

Amici di Kogarah
Rob's 21st, 15 January 2015
In which I showered a little longer than I should have, we arrived at dinner first anyway, a few of us left halfway to get the cake because we'd actually forgotten (sorry bub), I was still anxious and upset about my present-in-transit getting to him safely (it did. Happy birthday darling), gorgeous margarita pizzas and a honeydew melon cake that was actually not that bad. What was happening?

Holiday House
Dalmeny, 4.5hrs down the south coast from Sydney
I slept most of the way up there — after gorging myself on Maccas, of course. We were all starving and had left bright and early in the morning, most of us not bothering to wake up in time to have breakfast, believing we would encounter a Maccas early on in the trip (we really didn't). We spent a week in the pool, in between movies and board games and cooking and eating and cleaning up and god damn Mariosomething. I consumed The Unbearable Lightness of Being in three days and I couldn't think about anything else — I couldn't put it down. (We played a game that involved everyone writing three random things on a piece of paper each and having to describe it later, and hardly a single person remembered the title of the book stuck permanently to my hand for three whole days.) I indulged my fascination with what seemed like Vicky's entire skincare collection and surprisingly didn't stuff myself silly on junk food. I cuddled and fought, with passion.
All too soon, it was over, and in the final hours of daylight on the very last night, a necessary drive around town turned
into an excursion around the coast that showed us what we were missing out on.
Too many tears were shed on this trip, but every night
the stars shone brighter
than it ever had
in the city.

Werri Beach
Gerringong, somewhere between our holiday home and our real home
On our way home we U-turned to literally take the Scenic Route, wherein we stopped at a heartbreakingly beautiful beach with a rockpool. I didn't go in (it was too salty, okay!?) but we all had way too much fun with a GoPro and Ed posed like a mermaid. I'm waiting for it to be his Facebook cover photo any day now. We passed by cemeteries with million-dollar views and I thought again about the fact that I would like my organs donated first, then the rest of me thrown into the ocean so I could be free. I don't like the thought of being buried, suffocated, under ground. The houses were resplendent in their luxury and we passed by a little local fish-and-chip shop that I still want to go back and sample. Next time, I'll frolick in the warm rock pools like I should have; I'm more 'safe' than I think I am.

In a way, the photos are visual lies by omission. The sun hasn't been shining all that much this summer; it's been raining far too often, but when it doesn't — and luckily it didn't on Rubbut's birthday — we made the most of it. My internal rollercoaster continues on inside me, and the result is that I'm disoriented, unsettled, upturned, unearthed. I can feel that I'm being pushed to my limits but I'm increasingly finding a well of stillness inside of me that I have unfailing confidence in. And I'm finding my faith again, just like I asked for, and it feels like it did before. Growing again, but still as undefinable as ever, still as liquid in form and yet it feels concretely, fundamentally true somehow. I'm finding myself more drawn to meditation, and I'm looking forward to the prospect of saving, little by little. Money (or lack thereof) is becoming a problem in my life, and I'm realising it's yet another small uncomfortable truth I know I need to face.

Here's to a groundbreaking 2015. I've never felt so much raw energy (or potential upheaval). xo

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