23, Sydney AU


I have suddenly found myself in a certain phase where what I think - indeed, how I think - and what I value is in the process of what could potentially be profound change. On top of that, I've taken on more responsibilities, and that's starting to stress me out a bit (can you tell? My blog posts lately have not been cheerful, I think) and I think that's probably nut sah healthy. If anything, though, I'm learning to deal with change and with stress, so that's good. And I know now that my confidence is growing, if tentatively. I feel more sure that I can handle whatever obstacle I stumble upon next, and I'm starting to trust myself that I won't freak out completely and screw everything up.

I thought initially that my timetable was ugly, but actually it gives me a lot of gaps during the day where I can either hit the gym or go to work. And I've found myself actually making moves to keep up with my readings and whatnot, though I can't deny that I often wonder how long I'll last or when I'll burn out. I've also been keeping up with the news lately, no doubt because it's gotten very fascinating (so to speak) as of late; and of course I'm talking about the Ukraine/Russia situation, but these fatal developments in China and Venezuela aren't particularly heartening either. I'm consuming news more, finding more joy in how rapidly the news cycle develops, how quickly articles are written, published and circulated (especially about hot topics X complex topics), and how long it takes before counter articles pop up in response (not long. In case you were wondering).

Underneath all the mildly self-absorbed internal turmoil that I am somewhat trying to suppress, there is fierce determination and a new kind of engagement with ideas, news and world issues that I'm only just discovering now. I also visited my old philosophy tutor from high school recently, and that in itself - those four hours that I saw him - had an enormous impact on me. I'd forgotten how formative his conversation was... And I'd never been more comfortable in his presence. I wanted him to be proud of me, to perhaps think to himself that I'd matured over the last two years he hadn't seen me.

I should be visiting him again soon, and I want to bring him a lovely bottle of wine - something I had promised years ago. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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