23, Sydney AU


For as long as I can remember, I have always been in touch with my feelings. Even when I was sure of nothing else in the whole world, I always knew how I felt, why I felt, and if I didn't feel good, well, usually I would find a solution. Never would I ever imagine that one day I would be afraid of feeling. I never thought I'd come to a day when my own feelings and emotions would confuse me so much and have so much control over me, frankly.

I'm trying to teach myself to master my feelings - to rule them rather than have it rule me. But it's still quite difficult for me because I've been letting myself be overwhelmed by them for so long - I've let myself place so much importance on them that when I try to ignore it, it quite literally goes against my instincts. What do I do then? To ignore your instincts feels like the most counterintuitive thing in the world. (Mostly because it is.)

Most of all, I don't even know that what I'm worrying over is a problem at all. I hate this about myself - I have so much self-doubt. So little trust. I always think I'm wrong, just in case, and I don't know how to fix this, because I don't know if I'm doing it right. And then there's always - is there anything even wrong with me?

I know it's not right to be feeling like this though. So confused, such a whirlwind. I scare myself and that scares me even more.

P.S. I may or may not be menstruating it's true

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2.8.13 with 1 comments
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