23, Sydney AU


In an unprecedented turn of events, Jessica Yun discovered earlier tonight that she had officially run out of haloumi cheese.

Upon returning home from completing a journalism assignment for university, Miss Yun started preparing her salad before she realised there was no haloumi left.

"Oh my god. You're kidding WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO NOW?", she said.

"Haloumi is my life. MY LIFE. I don't know how I'm going to cope."

Jessica laments her noticeably haloumi-less dinner.

Miss Yun had no choice but to use different ingredients. According to our reporters, this was a decision she did not want to make, but was used to making compromises in her meals.

"Yeeeaahhhh I cook for myself a lot now," she said. "I just wish mum had told me that she'd used up all the haloumi. I love that shit."

Haloumi is allegedly on the top of her 'favourite cheeses' list. Other favourites include shaved parmesan, fresh mozzarella and creamy goats cheese.

Next on the list are camembert, Beqa stringers, tasty cheddar and swiss ("I like the holes," Jessica had said once. Her boyfriend Nicholas agreed and they high fived soon after).

As of yet, Miss Yun's parents are unavailable for comment but Jessica has stated that she will harrass her mum to buy some as soon as possible.

If anyone is experiencing cheese withdrawal symptoms such as depression, hunger and a craving for Italian food in any form, please call the Cheese Helpline on 1800-ITS-A-REAL-DISORDER or tell a trusted adult.

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