23, Sydney AU


The past few nights, Papa Yunz has been teaching me a lot. A bit about his - my - family, a bit about China's traditions, the ideals and values that the Chinese people place importance on, and a lot about how blessed and lucky I am to be born in such a lucky world with parents that love and truthfully spoil me so much. I am rich in every sense of the word. (My family is not Paris Hilton's bank account or anything, middle class is just good enough for me)

Sometimes, I really wonder when my luck will run out. I feel like I have been too blessed with too many amazing people in my life.. Surely it'll somehow end soon? Even things like my surprising academic 180.. Surely that'll end too.. Just a series of flukes.

Now, stranger (or whoever you are), you know more about me and what I'm really thinking in my head. I am constantly wondering, constantly doubtful, constantly anxious of when my good luck will end. Almost too afraid to hope for good things.. Always prepared for the event of failure.

最幸福的是我; the luckiest, the most blessed, is me. If I died tomorrow, I would die gladly, happily, that I have the friends I made and kept, the family I was born into and the beautiful things I saw.

But if I died tomorrow, there would also be an aching sadness. A sorrow, a desperate sort of cry that would be for all the moments I would miss out on in the lives of the people I love. For my parents, whose love I could never fully return.

This is how I know God exists. For me, I feel like there must be a good and great God; the world could not be so beautiful, wonderful, tragic, ridiculous and passionate without the touch of divine power.

OK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Honestly, do normal people feel these things or am I just too emotional from PMS? :|

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