23, Sydney AU


To be honest, I don't think I can do it. I don't really believe that I'll be able to get a flat stomach and thighs that don't touch. I don't believe it'll ever become a reality for me, it still seems like just a DREAM - unachievable. Being chubby has ALWAYS been simply part of who I am. Being chubby isn't just something temporary that I'm trying to get rid of, it's literally fucking who I am. I am chubby. Not a depreciation of myself, not a body-image issue. A statement, a fact.

Now I realise that it's this attitude that's holding me back. I can't do it because I don't think I can. It's so, so so so so hard to convince myself that I can.

One message that the Green Lantern sent me was the battle between my will to succeed versus my fear of failure. Right now, fear is winning, and god, there's so much doubt in my head. So much "I'll never get there", "this is going to take forever", "I'll probably get discouraged", "food is so good". Not enough "let's lose this weight let's lose this weight LET'S LOSE THIS WEIGHT", "okay time to go exercise". DAAAAAAAARGH. I hate this - the only person I'm fighting is myself and it's so incredibly frustrating. How do I win???

I need to sort this the fuck out. In the meantime, though, I'll be praying to Him to help me do the right thing, not the easy thing. #selfpsychoanalysiswtf #Ihavetoomanyproblems #IAMMYOWNPROBLEM #pathetic

"Weight loss is simple - eat clean and exercise often.
Simple, not easy."

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23.7.12 with 0 comments
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