I have to admit that the people I will miss the most are my white kids.. But only because I KNOW I'm still going to hang out with my Asian buddies. It's the math lessons that I will miss the most.. Staring competitions with Mason, putting my leg on his thigh and having him try to wrestle my shoe off only to get his hand dirty ..and then wipe it on my (stockinged) leg, rubbing Rick's shoulder then stopping when he simply did the same thing back to me, and Tom. Oh my god Tom. Bumping into him at Fitnes First Miranda and running away til now - he was the only one I wanted always with me at F2F. The other guys; Kyle's head scratches, Julio's hilarity in general haha. The girls as well, although I wonder if I will miss their random attempts to feel my boobs wtf. At least now I know they're somewhat satiated knowing my bra size heh (in year 8? 9? I told them I would tell them my bra size after Graduation. Aaaaaaaand I posted it on facebook har har. Fabulous). I feel like I have just started getting close with people and I sort of feel like I've been cheated of my time with them.
Fuck, I don't really know what to say in this blog post. Is it painful to read? Argh.
I don't know. I'm usually so full of words. But I think it's still too soon after Graduation for me to say how it feels. Because on one hand, it doesn't feel final. On the other hand, there's the fucking pain of knowing I am never going to see these kids again, never going to see them as kids again, never going to hang out with them in the same way.
Never going to hear yells of "YUNNERZ!!" in the corridor, never going to hear Josh blow me kisses and say "dat mouf", never going to annoy George for his attention. George's hugs. The hug he gave me at graduation and oh my god I do believe I'm tearing up. The first time he gave me a runner hug was fucking wonderful enough - and I'm going to sickeningly describe the details for you now because - argh. Brendan and Anika had driven me to school one morning because we had English and George was randomly at the gate. I was already deciding to give him an epic hug, and when I rushed towards him, I threw down my bag, my laptop and literally ran and jumped onto him, and he spun me around and put me down. At graduation, we were literally preparing for that kind of hug and I was CRYING so it was like the first hug, but intensified at least ten times. He spun me around for ages, laughed at me crying on his shoulder. We took a polaroid together - I took a lot of polaroids the day we graduated - and I am going to treasure them and i swear to god I would be buried with them if I could (creepy, huh?).
Oh, and Brendan. There were times I honestly felt that he had a quality in him that I would want in my soulmate. Brendan was the kind of person whose presence alone would be enough to make me very happy. I'm not sad about leaving Brendan for some reason, because I think Brendan will always be with me. I guess I'm just afraid the white guyz will forget me, which will suck, since I like them so much. D: (LOL blog = an introspective look into the psychology of Jessica Yun)
This post is much more personal than other posts. I have more fucking feelings than usual, hahaha. And the idea of graduating had been something that I had been mentally and emotionally avoiding for a long time.. I didn't want to think about it, didn't want to face up to it. So now I have moments where it hits me, other moments where I think my brain deliberately puts it out of my mind so it doesn't cause me pain.
I dunno. I feel like for me, graduating from High School feels like I'm losing part of my identity - sort of. The Yunnerz part. I'll always be Yunnerz to my high school chums (rofl) but .. I dunno. I like being liked for my randomass comments and my annoying tendency to take photos all the time. I liked knowing people liked me just for being me. So now that we've graduated, I feel like that Yunnerz part of myself is going to go away, too.
This is really hard to explain. I apologise if this post is super confusing and convoluted to read, but I feel like it's raw and reflects my emotional state about this right now, which is why I'm posting it up anyway XD. I'm not afraid to look like an idiot in front of you guys (I've probably done way more embarrassing things).
Of course I'll miss everyone - I want to avoid the typical 'you've grown up with me and made me the person and I am' cliches. They're all a given.. In the beginning, high school is what pulled us together.. Now it's the very reason we don't want to be wrenched apart.
I really hope that I've tried to enjoy my time at high school every single day. Knowing me and my personality - always wanting a good time (trroollllololol) - I would have ALWAYS seized opportunities to have fun, so I feel a little more secure in that. Still. I'm kind of worried at my inability to recall much from my younger years at high school so I'm going to watch the DVDs Mr O (♥) put together.
Much, much much much much much love. Always love for you guys. DON'T LEAVE ME!