23, Sydney AU


mailtojessicayun@gmail.com

So I'm scrolling through my tumblr posts that have been made when I was gone for a couple of hours. And so many posts from fuckyeahhlove are always young couples, about my age, saying how happy they are with this person and they've been dating for five months and it's the best five months of their life, and they'll live him/her forever and they're going to get married.

And reading that makes me smile. But it's mixed. My eyes are emotionless, my mouth is tilted to one side, slightly pursed lips. It's a sarcastic smile. Yeah I'm happy for them, I'm so glad that they're experiencing so much happiness right now that will ultimately in the end bring something new to their life. You know, first love, and all that. It's exciting as hell and each emotion is something you are totally overwhelmed by.

But I smile because I've been through all of that, I've experienced all of that. And I remember, when I was in their position, how I used to pity and sympathise with the people who used to have a good relationship and then were over and I'd be thinking things like "Wow.. So many things can happen in a relationship." But I didn't fully understand. I still looked next to me and said That Isn't Going To Happen to Me. What I got is good, I'll never lose it. 'I'll love him forever and we're going to get married.'

Now it's ironic that I'm on the other side of the road. (Road? Page? Story? Universe?) Now - at this point in time, and it ain't gonna last forever (after all, nothing does. We all die =P) I'm looking at relationships as very finite things. Especially at our age.

LOL I don't care if this post is so contradictory. I'm not going to say that the emotions that I did feel so long ago weren't REAL. They were very real. :| They are every bit as real as for those couples in their little 5 month relationships, every fucking bit of happiness is sincere. I guess we don't really think we're ready for the flipside, the other side of the coin. I'd love to tell those couples that they were going to be with that person forever and there would be no troubles and everything is rainbows and flowers and sunshine and shit like that. But after you think about it, you'd probably doubt that, wouldn't you? But after a while, fighting for it gets tiring. After a while you don't really know what you're fighting for anymore.. And then it just turns into fighting, then silences because you know that each time you talk you'll probably just end up fighting all over again.

I don't honestly know where I'm going with this o.o" I don't know. I haven't really said much about my breakup on this blog.. I think that I thought if I kept it in and didn't show anyone my feelings then I'd be much more.. In control..? Emotionless? Like nothing could effect me.. In a way.

But obviously, you can't ignore things like that. It's much, MUCH better to accept wholeheartedly everything that's happened. If I get everything out of the way now, they won't come and haunt me later, right? XD. I'm really trying to change the pattern of how I do things, but I don't think it's really working haha =s.

I think a lot of my "strength" (I seriously doubt you can even call it that LOL) and inspiration comes from shiftcomma3 who is this really really mature, sure headstrong girl who has so much confidence in herself. She's so passionate but in the good way, you know? She really knows what she wants.

Just some thoughts right now, I suppose. Tumblr is very thought-provoking. I need some water. @_@

/ NOTE : I don't want anyone thinking anything I don't mean, like, er.. Like I rekon no teenage relationships will work whatsoever. If they post something saying We've been dating for five months and We're going to Get Married then that's good for them, I'm not saying that it ain't gonna happen, ok? These are just my thoughts. Am I being paranoid?? LOLOLOL

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12.7.10 with 0 comments
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