23, Sydney AU


mailtojessicayun@gmail.com

Sorry for all the times that I hurt you and let out my rage on you.. when all you've ever done was to love me with all you had. And sorry I didn't like your side of the family because of the way they were brought up.. Now I realise that I was being immature, rude, selfish. I knew it, but I didn't care. Sorry fo rnot giving you what you deserved as a mother, sorry for being such a bad daughter. Sorry for deceiving you and lying to you, sorry for angering you, for always getting my way and not considering how you felt.

Sorry for all the times I pestered you and annoyed you. I love you, and I apologise for all the things I did.. And I'm sorry for not being brave enough to tell you this to your face.
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Sorry for not being able to uphold the expectations that he clearly fulfills. Sorry for being part of such a shit family that you felt you needed to go to another one to satisfy your happiness or whatever it is. I know I'll never be the perfect daughter for you, I'll never satisfy you, because that's just simply too much for me. I'll try but you know I can't promise anything. I never do. Sorry for that.

Sorry for being me.
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Sorry for all the times I pushed you away but you continued to love me.. For all the times I craved your attention and I was an annoying insecure attention-seeking little brat. Sorry you had to take care of such a weak individual who can't even take care of herself.

You never expected anything of me. You loved me, blindly, saying it didn't matter how I treated you, but you would continue to love me.. And this time I'm sorry not for the expectations you held for me but the expectations I held for myself. I feel that you can't be proud when you're walking with me and thankyou for loving me anyway. For loving me, someone no one really saw worth loving.
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Last but not least. Sorry for being a crappy friend, someone who could never really handle you on your worst days. Sorry for not being able to be the perfect friend, or the friend you were to me.. honest, caring and supportive. You believed in me, but I never had to believe in you, simply because I knew you could do it, because you were so much more than I could be, and because you were the ideal person that I wanted to be. You had a goal? You reached it. You had a test mark you weren't happy about? Mine was way worse. Sorry you couldn't be proud of me the way I was proud of you..

But I'm going to try now, for real this time. All on my own.

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18.5.09 with 0 comments
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